December 25, 2015 § Leave a comment


Merry Christmas to you, and I miss you deeply. You brought me up here one night and I wished that moment would last forever.
He is here with me because the sadness is lifted off me, instead I only feel nostalgia and longing.


Everchanging but there is Nothing like You

December 24, 2015 § Leave a comment

As of now its half an hour more to Christmas, and a few more nights to year 2016.

This morning I think I had an epiphany about change. As usual I was dwelling in my own depression of his words and what I wished he didn’t really meant.

“What can I do?”

“Change is inevitable.”

But more than that, ” But I don’t need you now” stabbed the deepest.

I remember trying to explain to him how I understood that he doesn’t need me now, but I just wanted to be by his side if he ever does. And the more we should hang onto each other in this very time, to protect each other from straying apart.

It hurt seeing that he once understood this point of view, but not now, not today. It hurt even more knowing that I too, could not understand back then, and he is about to repeat what I feel now as my regretful past.

Recently thanks to a great friend of mine who invited me back to Him, it was all too raw and blur but I was just focusing about being in the moment. His moment. And I came to realise that He was trying to tell me what I was trying to tell him.

He must have been hurt.

Regarding inevitable change, I remember pondering about the principles we owned, the beliefs we put our faith in, the constant we hold onto,  as we change life and and it changes us. And how I admired people for that as it was too complex to find a constant and stick to it. But I think He has helped me to unfold this constant complex. Like a tree to stay grounded while reaching heavenward.

Its difficult to see. Always in motion is the future. – Yoda

As of now, its Christmas.


December 19, 2015 § Leave a comment

I see you liking all these posts of people in love and couples supporting one another in the things they do. I’m pretty sure you want the same for yourself and your other half.

And I did exactly that.

I anticipated everything that you were about to go through, and I planned how to give you the best support, even if it meant giving you space and not being able to spend time with you. I’m ready and all for it because I know the end would be fruitful and worthy.

But I’d never anticipated for that day to come. The day that I was shut off and out from your life, without knowing a clue about it, without knowing what I’ve done terribly wrong that could have caused your actions. So the only plausible reason, which is also the reason that I wish to deny with all my being, is that you no longer feel the same way for me anymore.

I wish I could use the L word but I feel so ashamed and unworthy of it. And to think that you even said to me: “I love you but I don’t know how” was a clean dead in the centre stab through my heart.

And the worse is, I’ve done the exact same to you 3 years ago. Now, it’s time for me to perish.

The rain is gone the sun is up but I still think of you no matter what.

December 18, 2015 § Leave a comment

I just wanna tell you that the sky is clear and the moon is half 🌓 and that I miss you

No boundaries

December 17, 2015 § Leave a comment

In the past, if you asked me to stick with you after what you’ve done, I would have thought you’re crazy and selfish and had no idea about love.

Today, I find myself being the crazy and selfish one and without any clue about love. But the difference is that I do know now, that I love you.

And despite this void, this space, this distance between us, if you asked me to stick with you after all this, I would.

Because love knows no boundaries.

And I would forgive you if you forgivie me for what I’ve done.

Let’s just stick together despite all, shall we?


December 14, 2015 § Leave a comment

And I, I never understood what was at stake
I never thought your love was worth its wait
Well now you’ve come and gone
I finally worked it out, I worked it out oh

But it could be too late

December 13, 2015 § Leave a comment

Did you grew tired of me?

Where Am I?

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